Longing

On a more serious note, I just need to vent, whether you understand what I'm saying or not -but  i know one person will.

There was a time when we were inseparable, when we didn't have a care in the world but each other. we were never apart, we always shared everything, it was love it was bliss and we were happy.
I'm not sure where this post is going but I'm just going to get it off my chest.
I don't know where we went wrong, I know alot has happened, but I just cannot accept that things may be ending. I don't feel your end of the connection, I don't feel loved and safe and secure anymore. I feel like your willing to throw me under the next bus that goes by.
I feel like an empty being who is being left in the dark to all your thoughts dreams and wishes, and I feel like you are farther and farther away with every day that goes by,

I cant help but wonder about my beautiful baby, and what choice I choose will affect her which way and how, I wonder what is the best thing to do, I wanted so much for her to have a family, a WHOLE family, not a separate one that is on the radical side of dysfunctional.
i really used to think we had it all- I never thought we would be at this breaking point. we were so close and I feel I don't even know you anymore. I feel you don't care, I don't see the love in your eyes or the happiness in your voice, and even when your sitting right next to me I miss you- but your right there, but your not the one i fell in love with.

Right now I hate you, I hate how you treat me and talk to me and act to me, I hate that you don't share anything anymore and everything is a secret. i hate that my vision of our family is different from your vision and I hate that you don't want me like I want you.

I just don't know where we are heading at this point, but i do know that for one person our decision will affect her for the rest of her life. we need to tread carefully and lightly, and everything has to be thought out.

But my biggest wish is for everything to be perfect as a whole, just the three of us.