updating

so I havent been on out of pure laziness, we got new wifi which means we got a new keyword so strangers cant get on our network and ive been incredibly lazy that i dont wanna walk downstairs to get the code to set up my laptop. Plus alot of things have been going on lately that have been stressing me out.

With myself, im emotionally and physically drained. all the hours ive been working coupled with the new job demands that i have been forced to cooperate with are killing me, then theres feeling like i have no real home like i used to, and also torries health issues are starting to affect me. I also have a big doctors appt for myself this week that is worrying me, and because of all this ive been stress eating and depressed so i will go back to fit tuesdays when im back to myself again. i have still been going to the gym, mostly for the time away from life benefit and not necessarily the weight loss benefit it should be having.

Torrie- shes sick again, she constantly has breathing problems, that which were expected since she was born with respiratory distress. Its become a mounting task between her Pedi and I to tackle her breathing problems with as little intervention as possible and now the time has come to take it her a specialist. On july 11th she is going to both the ENT and the Pulmonologist, to see where to go from here. its bittersweet for me i really thought things would get better as she got older but they havent, and while its not life or death, its just something that eats at me because it could have been prevented had I stayed pregnant for 10 more weeks.
anyway, she had an ear infection at her 1yr appt, we did the 10 days amoxicillin and then she was still pulling at her ear, so tuesday i sent her back to see if they were still infected- no they werent- by sunday between her terrible breathing and gasping for air and her irritability i sent her back to the pedi on sunday and he put her back on amox. she has no infections but the only time she has been clear was when she was on the antibiotics so the docs said theres enough time between now and the 11th to just try her out and see what happens and I agreed, so here we go again.
I just wish things werent so hard for her I wish i could help or have a miracle cure for her, but I know this is a long road we will travel, and I'm in it for the long haul.

In good news about torrie she is now letting go and standing freely in the middle of the floor, she mostly falls but it is a step in the right direction! the pedi said the way she is forming now may just have her walking very very soon!! whoo hoo!

this is her trying to stand in the middle of the yard.