Halloween was canceled in our neck of the woods due to the hurricane* but torrie's daycare still had their party anyway. So she wore her skelaton pajamas!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Where are they now?
I totally feel like my absence from the blogosphere deserves an explanation but i dont have one!! im a busy working mom who's child is making her nutty and the days just go by way too fast!! I also still dont have a laptop anymore, so my personal computer time is limited. I do have to buy a new one by January so hope for more posting by that point anyway!
First things first,
Yes we were hit badly by hurricane sandy, my area was not as bad as the next town over but we were still devastated and still are processing this unlikely storm for our area. My good friend lives on the coast line and 6 houses in her neighborhood collapsed into peices so I am praying to the lord that it wasnt her's because I havent heard from her yet.
Also, four days trapped in house with a 16 month old reminds me why I chose to work! I love her but good god shed drive a crazy person sane!!!
speaking of the little one,
she is 16 months she will be 17 months next week on november 7th, time flies, i just barely remember her nicu days, mostly the beeping of the machines play over and over in my head, but the feelings, the devastation, the smells, they are all distant memories to me, and I am thankful for that. now, she walks and talks wonderfully, she participates in active songs like wheels on the bus and popcorn in the popper. She also follows simple commands like go get your shoes, or go get your coat, or sit, stand, lay down =ETC. which means we have also started time outs. I am really trying to pick and choose what i decide to put her in time out for at this point for example, only the most severe acts of badness she portrays, like touching my cup over and over again and laughng when i say no, so i decided to ignore her, she came and touched it again so she went in time out. so basically thats where we are at with her. Tommarow is halloween and because of the storm they have post[poned trick or treating until november 7th in our state. torrie's daycare will still have their party tommarow, for which i made cupcakes.
i made beautiful cupcakes, that i saw on pintrest, red orange and green mini cupcakes! i got a great bowl, put candy in themiddle and cupcakes around it...... i tried to pipe on the frosting, i was really proud- then my mom walked by and said ew, you cant do that it looks like someone shit on them. wow mom thanks. first of all she never swears so they must have been bad and second of all she totally suck the air out of my "mom of the year " bubble. needless to say i frostred them the old fashioned way shoved them in the fridge and never looked back because now im mad. and disappointed. even my sister said that was so unlike my talented ways. Oh well.
asd for me, i finally went to the doctor, i finally took the advice and the meds they gave me and I finally feel better- just busy now.
so where are we now?
were half way between totally nutty and comfortable.
My baby is growing so fast and so perfect, i just love everyday that I watch her grow.
happy halloween and please keep hurricane victems in your thoughts and prayers!
First things first,
Yes we were hit badly by hurricane sandy, my area was not as bad as the next town over but we were still devastated and still are processing this unlikely storm for our area. My good friend lives on the coast line and 6 houses in her neighborhood collapsed into peices so I am praying to the lord that it wasnt her's because I havent heard from her yet.
Also, four days trapped in house with a 16 month old reminds me why I chose to work! I love her but good god shed drive a crazy person sane!!!
speaking of the little one,
she is 16 months she will be 17 months next week on november 7th, time flies, i just barely remember her nicu days, mostly the beeping of the machines play over and over in my head, but the feelings, the devastation, the smells, they are all distant memories to me, and I am thankful for that. now, she walks and talks wonderfully, she participates in active songs like wheels on the bus and popcorn in the popper. She also follows simple commands like go get your shoes, or go get your coat, or sit, stand, lay down =ETC. which means we have also started time outs. I am really trying to pick and choose what i decide to put her in time out for at this point for example, only the most severe acts of badness she portrays, like touching my cup over and over again and laughng when i say no, so i decided to ignore her, she came and touched it again so she went in time out. so basically thats where we are at with her. Tommarow is halloween and because of the storm they have post[poned trick or treating until november 7th in our state. torrie's daycare will still have their party tommarow, for which i made cupcakes.
i made beautiful cupcakes, that i saw on pintrest, red orange and green mini cupcakes! i got a great bowl, put candy in themiddle and cupcakes around it...... i tried to pipe on the frosting, i was really proud- then my mom walked by and said ew, you cant do that it looks like someone shit on them. wow mom thanks. first of all she never swears so they must have been bad and second of all she totally suck the air out of my "mom of the year " bubble. needless to say i frostred them the old fashioned way shoved them in the fridge and never looked back because now im mad. and disappointed. even my sister said that was so unlike my talented ways. Oh well.
asd for me, i finally went to the doctor, i finally took the advice and the meds they gave me and I finally feel better- just busy now.
so where are we now?
were half way between totally nutty and comfortable.
My baby is growing so fast and so perfect, i just love everyday that I watch her grow.
happy halloween and please keep hurricane victems in your thoughts and prayers!
 |
| torrie "coco ing" (coloring) |
 |
| torrie and my aunt |
Friday, October 12, 2012
Friday Letters
Dear Bloggers,
Ive been absent I know- but I know I keep saying this but Ive got a lot going on, mentally and emotionally, theyre mostly kept under wraps because I dont want torrie to feed off me and I dont really have anyone to vent to besides the people that are involved in making me feel like a two ton pile of shit. anyway, I promise to try harder to get on here and post, plus it doesnt help that my laptop broke 278363 months ago and I still havent gotten a new one. I need to soon because I start classes in January and I will 100% need it.
Stay Tuned
Dear Torrie,
You're my princess!! you amaze me everyday and I love you! your walking is getting so much better and your talking is NEVER ENDING!! you try new words everyday! its so funny! now you quack and moo- its great!
Love,
Mom
Dear New College,
I havent even gotten my acceptance letter yet and I'm already having nightmares about english class!! which I dont even have to take again!! WTF! thanks alot.
anticipated student.
Dear Lottery,
PICK ME! PICK ME!!
desperate in CT.
Ive been absent I know- but I know I keep saying this but Ive got a lot going on, mentally and emotionally, theyre mostly kept under wraps because I dont want torrie to feed off me and I dont really have anyone to vent to besides the people that are involved in making me feel like a two ton pile of shit. anyway, I promise to try harder to get on here and post, plus it doesnt help that my laptop broke 278363 months ago and I still havent gotten a new one. I need to soon because I start classes in January and I will 100% need it.
Stay Tuned
Dear Torrie,
You're my princess!! you amaze me everyday and I love you! your walking is getting so much better and your talking is NEVER ENDING!! you try new words everyday! its so funny! now you quack and moo- its great!
Love,
Mom
Dear New College,
I havent even gotten my acceptance letter yet and I'm already having nightmares about english class!! which I dont even have to take again!! WTF! thanks alot.
anticipated student.
Dear Lottery,
PICK ME! PICK ME!!
desperate in CT.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Stuff
I'm not going to lie, I have been absent on here for a reason, I am trying not to air all my laundry on blogger, especially since im not exactly sure who my audience is.
I grew up with a messed up childhood, I grew up fast, learned to support and take care of myself at a young age and basically do what I had to do. It took alot to fess up and have to move back home after torrie's father and I split. I was the main supporter of that household, but unfourtunately the home was in his name so we couldnt stay and I had to come back to my parents.
My issue is not with my mom, its with my dad. I will not go there but it is becoming increasingly harder to live in a house with this man, sometimes I dont want to even call him dad, lately his issues seem even worse then when I was young. That sucks. For a brief period in my life I was happy to have him be my dad, things were going well for my family, I finally felt safe and happy. Those things never last.
Torrie's dad is a replica of my father, I refuse to have Torrie;s life be my life story on repeat. Everyday I make choices to try and change how her childhood turns out. My choices are soley based on whats best for her at the moment, and if that means less time with dad, then thats what it means.
thats what i needed to get off my chest.
Today I am mailing my college application. I makes me worried. I have a stomach ache. Is this the best decsicion? I know it is, but I just am in a "comfort" zone that I am about to interrupt. ugh I just cant even speak on this right now I might puke!
Torrie is doing 1million times better since her surgery, her vocabulary is becoming endless!!! she is becoming a walking talking machine!
this weekend we went pumpkin picking. I have the pics on my real camera but their not downloaded yet.
here are some of her father and I decorating them!
guess what their supposed to be!
I grew up with a messed up childhood, I grew up fast, learned to support and take care of myself at a young age and basically do what I had to do. It took alot to fess up and have to move back home after torrie's father and I split. I was the main supporter of that household, but unfourtunately the home was in his name so we couldnt stay and I had to come back to my parents.
My issue is not with my mom, its with my dad. I will not go there but it is becoming increasingly harder to live in a house with this man, sometimes I dont want to even call him dad, lately his issues seem even worse then when I was young. That sucks. For a brief period in my life I was happy to have him be my dad, things were going well for my family, I finally felt safe and happy. Those things never last.
Torrie's dad is a replica of my father, I refuse to have Torrie;s life be my life story on repeat. Everyday I make choices to try and change how her childhood turns out. My choices are soley based on whats best for her at the moment, and if that means less time with dad, then thats what it means.
thats what i needed to get off my chest.
Today I am mailing my college application. I makes me worried. I have a stomach ache. Is this the best decsicion? I know it is, but I just am in a "comfort" zone that I am about to interrupt. ugh I just cant even speak on this right now I might puke!
Torrie is doing 1million times better since her surgery, her vocabulary is becoming endless!!! she is becoming a walking talking machine!
this weekend we went pumpkin picking. I have the pics on my real camera but their not downloaded yet.
here are some of her father and I decorating them!
guess what their supposed to be!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Dear Torrie (Surgery Version)
Dear Torrie,
Late Monday night I decided to chronical your surgery day with pictures, at some points I dont have pictures because it was becoming a nuisance to keep up with. So here goes.
I woke you up at 540 am - you did not like this at all....
I packed you in the car and we went to go get daddy. It was unusually cold that morning.
Once we arrived mommy started getting nervous, I was having flashbacks to when you were in the nicu, it was very unpleasant. I had daddy carry you in while I checked you into admitting.
At first you thought it was really cool, the waiting room had real live fish and tables and chairs and there were a couple other kids waiting as well. The intake lady came out and put a pretty pink ID bracelet on you and you were still in the cool zone at this point.
Then, they moved us upstairs to the surgical floor and there was also really cool things there too. I didnt get any pictures of that because I was too busy pulling you off of standing on the tables and keeping you from yelling at the other kids.
They called your name and we went back to the preop room. they had toys there too, they took your height and weight AGAIN and then we waited for each doc to come in and explain everything to us AGAIN (just like that needless appt we had last week like I said, Pointless) and then we waited some more. they gave you a baby xanax because when mommy went to the bathroom you had a major meltdown malfunction soooooooooo basically it wasnt so smooth.
Heres you playing with the trucks in the pre-op room
heres daddy and mommy beginning to get bored of waiting so much for each doc to come in.
after they gave you that xanax (that didnt work) and we changed you into a surgery gown you realized something was up. Thats when the real breakdown started.
These next couple parts have no pictures, because they consist of your father and I waiting in the waiting room for someone to come out and give us some news.
The pulmonologist came out first, she said you did well the whole procedure, she then confided that she was a little worried at first about your lungs collapsing but you did awesome so now shes not worried anymore. she said your lungs were still very underdeveloped and so were your vocal cords. she took biopsys of your lungs to see if theres any other possibilty for something else being the cause BESIDES your prematurity, otherwise if everything comes back normal, you will grow out of it in about 18 months.
Your tubes and adenoids are self explainitory, your tubes went in and adneoids came out.
You scared everyone a little because you had a hard time coming out of anesthesia, they came out and told us you were having a little trouble so they had to keep you in the OR until you took breaths on your own, another hour passed and no one came out, a few minutes before I started melting down they came out and got us, you were still sleeping but stable now....
After an hour of you sleeping the nurse said we could wake you and hold you until you came fully out, so we did, we just were so desparate to touch you the whole time you were sleeping.
then you really woke up and realized you were hooked up to a whole bunch of stuff and tyou let the nurse know that she better take it out now or else. everytime she came by you held up your arm with the iv in it and pointed to it and spewed baby jumble at her letting her know you werent happy with it.
she finally took it off and gave you a prize. you picked a purple pony from my little pony.
then we were able to go home, you were on and off with your miserableness all day, you stayed up until 9 tho and you were pretty resistant to any kind of real pain, which is good.
now we are spending the next couple days at home recovering. Today I made you some edible paint, good thing because most of it ended up in your mouth and in your hair.
and now my sweet angel you are napping, so I will go lay down now too.
You're such a trooper,
I love you,
Mom.
Late Monday night I decided to chronical your surgery day with pictures, at some points I dont have pictures because it was becoming a nuisance to keep up with. So here goes.
I woke you up at 540 am - you did not like this at all....
They called your name and we went back to the preop room. they had toys there too, they took your height and weight AGAIN and then we waited for each doc to come in and explain everything to us AGAIN (just like that needless appt we had last week like I said, Pointless) and then we waited some more. they gave you a baby xanax because when mommy went to the bathroom you had a major meltdown malfunction soooooooooo basically it wasnt so smooth.
Heres you playing with the trucks in the pre-op room
The pulmonologist came out first, she said you did well the whole procedure, she then confided that she was a little worried at first about your lungs collapsing but you did awesome so now shes not worried anymore. she said your lungs were still very underdeveloped and so were your vocal cords. she took biopsys of your lungs to see if theres any other possibilty for something else being the cause BESIDES your prematurity, otherwise if everything comes back normal, you will grow out of it in about 18 months.
Your tubes and adenoids are self explainitory, your tubes went in and adneoids came out.
You scared everyone a little because you had a hard time coming out of anesthesia, they came out and told us you were having a little trouble so they had to keep you in the OR until you took breaths on your own, another hour passed and no one came out, a few minutes before I started melting down they came out and got us, you were still sleeping but stable now....
she finally took it off and gave you a prize. you picked a purple pony from my little pony.
now we are spending the next couple days at home recovering. Today I made you some edible paint, good thing because most of it ended up in your mouth and in your hair.
You're such a trooper,
I love you,
Mom.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Dear Torrie
Dear Torrie,
Tomarrow is your big surgery- well, its probably small surgery in the world of surgeries but in my world it is horrendous !!!! I'm just so nervous about all of the what-if and If I am making the right decision!
I know you will be okay, but it is going to break my heart to see you laying in that recovery room. what if this changes your personality? what if your never the same? what if you react to the anesthesia? Im just terribly worried.
I am glad tho, that your dad will be there too. it will really help me when Im sitting there in a trance about to freak out. I am waiting on the call now to tell us what time to arrive, I know its going to be early like 5 or 6 am, so Im planning on being sleepless anyway.
We got your halloween costume this weekend, and although i said I was keeping it simple, We ended up picking out a pirate costume.
its acctually really adorable, but you dont like the hat. I had to bribe you this morning with a donut to take this picture for me.
So, basically torrie, I hope this is the saving grace for all of your illnesses, and I hope its smooth and I hope your even happier then you are now after all is said and done.
Tomarrow is your big surgery- well, its probably small surgery in the world of surgeries but in my world it is horrendous !!!! I'm just so nervous about all of the what-if and If I am making the right decision!
I know you will be okay, but it is going to break my heart to see you laying in that recovery room. what if this changes your personality? what if your never the same? what if you react to the anesthesia? Im just terribly worried.
I am glad tho, that your dad will be there too. it will really help me when Im sitting there in a trance about to freak out. I am waiting on the call now to tell us what time to arrive, I know its going to be early like 5 or 6 am, so Im planning on being sleepless anyway.
We got your halloween costume this weekend, and although i said I was keeping it simple, We ended up picking out a pirate costume.
So, basically torrie, I hope this is the saving grace for all of your illnesses, and I hope its smooth and I hope your even happier then you are now after all is said and done.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Friday Letters
Dear Torrie,
I dont know why my letters always start with you, I guess because your always the first and last thing on my mind and everything else is just mixed in the middle. So, my question is WHY ARE YOUR SLEEP HABITS ALL MESSED UP! I just cant deal, one morning you sleep normal the next we are up at dead time 3am. Im getting discumbobulated completely!
Love,
Mom
Dear Yale NH hospital,
you're dumb, the anesthesia appointment was all but worthless, we totally could have had a phone conversation. Hopefully your staff is plesant on tuesday for torrie's surgery OR i might have to whoop some hossy ass.
Sinceraly,
Disgruntled mom
Dear work,
are we done yet this week? I cant take much more of you, luckily I will be out most of next week taking care of Torrie, and although I wont be getting paid I still dont really think I care.
with sincerest love,
Employee.
Dear God,
please take care of my baby while shes under the knife on tuesday, I know its minor but I'm a mom, its my job to worry.
Love,
Sam
Dear Weight,
I know ive been bingeing but please stay where you are, dont go up, I promise I will treat you well soon.
-Hopelessly Overweight
Dear Paranormal state,
Im obsessed with watching your show on Netflix, and I love chasing ghosts with you, but I still get nightmares, I think someones eating my binge food at night, damn those ghosts, please tone it down a notch or ill have to tune you out.
See ya!
-Avid Ghost Hunter.
I dont know why my letters always start with you, I guess because your always the first and last thing on my mind and everything else is just mixed in the middle. So, my question is WHY ARE YOUR SLEEP HABITS ALL MESSED UP! I just cant deal, one morning you sleep normal the next we are up at dead time 3am. Im getting discumbobulated completely!
Love,
Mom
Dear Yale NH hospital,
you're dumb, the anesthesia appointment was all but worthless, we totally could have had a phone conversation. Hopefully your staff is plesant on tuesday for torrie's surgery OR i might have to whoop some hossy ass.
Sinceraly,
Disgruntled mom
Dear work,
are we done yet this week? I cant take much more of you, luckily I will be out most of next week taking care of Torrie, and although I wont be getting paid I still dont really think I care.
with sincerest love,
Employee.
Dear God,
please take care of my baby while shes under the knife on tuesday, I know its minor but I'm a mom, its my job to worry.
Love,
Sam
Dear Weight,
I know ive been bingeing but please stay where you are, dont go up, I promise I will treat you well soon.
-Hopelessly Overweight
Dear Paranormal state,
Im obsessed with watching your show on Netflix, and I love chasing ghosts with you, but I still get nightmares, I think someones eating my binge food at night, damn those ghosts, please tone it down a notch or ill have to tune you out.
See ya!
-Avid Ghost Hunter.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Step One
Hi Torrie~!
Today was your pre-op appt with the hospital for your bronco scope/adnoidectomy/Eustachian tubes (which all of those are spelt wrong) and it went well, you were 27.3 pounds and 34 inches long!!!!! You will be soon out-passing my 62 inch mark! infact you are basically half of my height. what a scary thought!
so anyway- first we met with the anesthesia nurse- she was really nice. Daddy kept asking her questions UNRELATED to your surgery like about pizza and sleeping thru the night. Mommy listened intently to all the details and answered all the questions that were important.
Then we met with your advocate for the surgery- its basically a girl or guy who speaks on your behalf during the surgery when mommy and daddy cant be their who knows what mommy and daddy do and do not want to happen under certain circumstances. I think thats a good thing. Also, you liked her because she had some great stickers for you!
Then finally we met the anesthesiologist who told us all about how shes going to make you act like a "drunk sailor" (these are her words by the way) then they will lay you on the table and make you laugh a little bit and you will be sleeping for a couple hours.
AND THEN THE BAD NEWS. after your surgery theyre going to come talk to us blah blah blah. then mom and dad get to come SIT NEXT TO YOU! without touching or talking to you!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT B*** S*** i cant I will need to squeeze and hold you/ I understood that i would scare you and make you have like a panic attack in your sleep but still. moms need to comfort their babies.
we left and I was upset, all the stress of this I had been holding back came flooding out in tears. seriously I balled my eyes out on the elevator when I got off a bunch of giddy nurses were staring at me like I just found out someone died.
Everyone said you were cute tho, but that happens everyday.
so basically this was step one, you have been cleared for surgery and I cant wait until this is just done and over with.
Tuesday's the day!
Love
MOM.
Today was your pre-op appt with the hospital for your bronco scope/adnoidectomy/Eustachian tubes (which all of those are spelt wrong) and it went well, you were 27.3 pounds and 34 inches long!!!!! You will be soon out-passing my 62 inch mark! infact you are basically half of my height. what a scary thought!
so anyway- first we met with the anesthesia nurse- she was really nice. Daddy kept asking her questions UNRELATED to your surgery like about pizza and sleeping thru the night. Mommy listened intently to all the details and answered all the questions that were important.
Then we met with your advocate for the surgery- its basically a girl or guy who speaks on your behalf during the surgery when mommy and daddy cant be their who knows what mommy and daddy do and do not want to happen under certain circumstances. I think thats a good thing. Also, you liked her because she had some great stickers for you!
Then finally we met the anesthesiologist who told us all about how shes going to make you act like a "drunk sailor" (these are her words by the way) then they will lay you on the table and make you laugh a little bit and you will be sleeping for a couple hours.
AND THEN THE BAD NEWS. after your surgery theyre going to come talk to us blah blah blah. then mom and dad get to come SIT NEXT TO YOU! without touching or talking to you!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT B*** S*** i cant I will need to squeeze and hold you/ I understood that i would scare you and make you have like a panic attack in your sleep but still. moms need to comfort their babies.
we left and I was upset, all the stress of this I had been holding back came flooding out in tears. seriously I balled my eyes out on the elevator when I got off a bunch of giddy nurses were staring at me like I just found out someone died.
Everyone said you were cute tho, but that happens everyday.
so basically this was step one, you have been cleared for surgery and I cant wait until this is just done and over with.
Tuesday's the day!
Love
MOM.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Fat Tuesday
Can we just say total disppointment????
I have to admit this past month has been a total bingefest (- as in late night taco bell runns, pizza/cheese sticks, mcdonalds, no excersise-) on my behalf because I've just been so overloaded lately. The stress of torrie's surgery and some mounting expenses and just plain life have totally just comsumed my time and energy, plus torrie is still sleeping terribly and I just cant figure out why.
I really dont feel like bitching and moaning on here about my depressing life, but I did restart my regimes today and hopefully it will just get better from here on out.
So- I am just so thrilled to be starting school again and continuing with my nursing education and maybe becoming a NICU nurse- if i work up enough nerves.
and Oh boy would life be good when I graduate AGAIN....
I have to admit this past month has been a total bingefest (- as in late night taco bell runns, pizza/cheese sticks, mcdonalds, no excersise-) on my behalf because I've just been so overloaded lately. The stress of torrie's surgery and some mounting expenses and just plain life have totally just comsumed my time and energy, plus torrie is still sleeping terribly and I just cant figure out why.
I really dont feel like bitching and moaning on here about my depressing life, but I did restart my regimes today and hopefully it will just get better from here on out.
So- I am just so thrilled to be starting school again and continuing with my nursing education and maybe becoming a NICU nurse- if i work up enough nerves.
and Oh boy would life be good when I graduate AGAIN....
Friday, September 14, 2012
Friday Letters
I decided to copy cat some of the blogs I follow and do friday letters. I doubt I am half as witty as they are.
Well, Here goes!
Dear Torrie,
Thank you for finally sleeping thru the night last night. I cannot tell you how surprised I was when I woke up with the urge to pee and saw the clock say 6:20!!
I love you,
Mom
Dear G, (torrie's dad)
I think that we have officially run our course in this relationship, after your antics for the last month, the 9000 chances I have given you to fix this relationship has run dry. Have a nice life.
-bitter ex.
Dear work,
even tho i missed most of the week due to torrie's puke fest- im still glad its friday and that my time with you this week is over.
-employee
dear collection agency/former college,
thank you for letting me prove you wrong, and admitting that I acctually dont owe you money. How about you fix my credit score now, and pay ME for all the time i wasted proving you wrong. I especially loved how you thought i was young and dumb and didnt save any paper work- But i acctually saved EVERY SCRAP OF PAPER you ever handed me. Thanks for that, it helped me show what ass rapers you acctually are. Now I can go back to school (a different one) in january! yipee!
-pleasantly surprised
Dear New College,
I cant wait to start you this winter. I am sad that it will take some time away from my baby, but I hope she realizes I did this for her in the long run.
-new life
dear mom,
Thanks for always helping with torrie and being there when I need you. Thanks for picking her up from daycare and allowing me to go back to school with your help.
-loving daughter
AND FINALLY-
DEAR STRESS,
Why are you in my life torturing me??? Get the fuck out!!!!
-miserable in CT
Well, Here goes!
Dear Torrie,
Thank you for finally sleeping thru the night last night. I cannot tell you how surprised I was when I woke up with the urge to pee and saw the clock say 6:20!!
I love you,
Mom
Dear G, (torrie's dad)
I think that we have officially run our course in this relationship, after your antics for the last month, the 9000 chances I have given you to fix this relationship has run dry. Have a nice life.
-bitter ex.
Dear work,
even tho i missed most of the week due to torrie's puke fest- im still glad its friday and that my time with you this week is over.
-employee
dear collection agency/former college,
thank you for letting me prove you wrong, and admitting that I acctually dont owe you money. How about you fix my credit score now, and pay ME for all the time i wasted proving you wrong. I especially loved how you thought i was young and dumb and didnt save any paper work- But i acctually saved EVERY SCRAP OF PAPER you ever handed me. Thanks for that, it helped me show what ass rapers you acctually are. Now I can go back to school (a different one) in january! yipee!
-pleasantly surprised
Dear New College,
I cant wait to start you this winter. I am sad that it will take some time away from my baby, but I hope she realizes I did this for her in the long run.
-new life
dear mom,
Thanks for always helping with torrie and being there when I need you. Thanks for picking her up from daycare and allowing me to go back to school with your help.
-loving daughter
AND FINALLY-
DEAR STRESS,
Why are you in my life torturing me??? Get the fuck out!!!!
-miserable in CT
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Dear Torrie, 15 months
Dear Torrie,
You are now 15 months old! What a terrific milestone!! While you actually turned 15 months on September 7th I wanted to wait for your physical to get all your stats into one post! Which was an epic fail since you have had a violent stomach big for the past 3 days. SO all I know is that you are 27 pounds, I have no clue how long/short you are or anything really because you spent the entire time their puking. Plus mommy is beyond exhausted because you have allowed me to get 0 ounces of sleep. thanks babe.
Mommy is so proud of all the things you are doing now! You are walking- you’re a little pigeon toe’d and a little bow legged but we will talk to the doctor about that. you also try to run. You’re not great at walking but I think it has something to do with your feet because you fall a lot.
You talk A LOT. Even when your just babbling and its not clear what you mean- your talking constantly. Momma, dada, lexi, olly, nightnight, yes/no (sometimes) poppop, up, and many others! You always seem to amaze me!! You also sing to the tune of the ABC’S- they arnt exactly clear but you can tell that its an effort!!
You are beginning to like to be read to- you will sit for most of a book and you like to point to the pictures, you also like to watch barney and other sing-a-longs. You love to dance J
You get especially excited when I turn barney and friends on in the car J
You love to play at the park, the swings and the slide and the ride on motorcycle, you love being outside and in your wagon.
You’re attached to your little owl friend and you cuddle him all the time!
You are OCD about your shoes, you always have to have them on, and when we take them off you put your slippers on! It’s rather silly!!
You no longer like pony’s or bows in your hair- this makes mommy sad, and you will let me cut/paint your nails now while you’re awake.
You have started throwing tantrums,- this upsets me because I don’t always know why you’re doing it, and you do it at daycare too, I think we have a long two years ahead of us L
Unfortunately you are still always sick, but you have your big surgery coming up on sept 25th, where we hope to have a cure/answers and that all this will end.
Basically Tor, your super smart! Your savvier then I ever imagined you’d be and you catch on/learn quickly which is a good thing!
You have become such an amazing girl and mommy and daddy love you sooo much, we could never imagine our lives without you now.
and now for some pictures.
and now for some pictures.
I love you!!
Love,
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Fit Tuesday
Start weight- 148.6 lbs
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 146
Its the same, I know, but you know what I just cant deal right now. Ive been an emotional wreck. Ive been stress eating, I had Chinese, taco bell, and pizza all within a 48 hour period- pathetic i know, I am pretty sure its a Christmas miracle that I didn't gain 70 pounds instead. Ive been under too much pressure with all the overtime Ive been working, with splitting my time between two homes, with Torrie's illness/surgery coming up with her new temper tantrums- its enough to make a crazy person sane!!
On a lighter more positive note- I have NOT slacked on exercising. I did wind up with a very nice jogger stroller (picture will be posted soon) and also just been trying to at least maintain that aside from my food indulgences.
This fitness this has become a second obsession of mine I have been researching natural herbs to boost metabolism and all that fun stuff- so I think ill start that this week- also the eating thing has to end. but the other thing is i have been started on depo provera which causes serious weight gain- while i haven't gained weight (which is good because it prob means I wont that this point) it also gives you major carb cravings and also has maintained my weight i think. SOOOO that's a battle all in itself.
This week is Torrie's 15 month birthday and I will be doing a MAJOR post about her and whats going on, ESPECIALLY since I missed her 14 month one.
I don't have a computer right now so that's why my posts have been far and few between.
and finally I want to show a progression photo- the first is the one I posted back in may at the beginning of the journey- and the second is from this morning! not a big difference but a difference indeed!!! I think I look taller now LOL :) the left is today the right is may.
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 146
Its the same, I know, but you know what I just cant deal right now. Ive been an emotional wreck. Ive been stress eating, I had Chinese, taco bell, and pizza all within a 48 hour period- pathetic i know, I am pretty sure its a Christmas miracle that I didn't gain 70 pounds instead. Ive been under too much pressure with all the overtime Ive been working, with splitting my time between two homes, with Torrie's illness/surgery coming up with her new temper tantrums- its enough to make a crazy person sane!!
On a lighter more positive note- I have NOT slacked on exercising. I did wind up with a very nice jogger stroller (picture will be posted soon) and also just been trying to at least maintain that aside from my food indulgences.
This fitness this has become a second obsession of mine I have been researching natural herbs to boost metabolism and all that fun stuff- so I think ill start that this week- also the eating thing has to end. but the other thing is i have been started on depo provera which causes serious weight gain- while i haven't gained weight (which is good because it prob means I wont that this point) it also gives you major carb cravings and also has maintained my weight i think. SOOOO that's a battle all in itself.
This week is Torrie's 15 month birthday and I will be doing a MAJOR post about her and whats going on, ESPECIALLY since I missed her 14 month one.
I don't have a computer right now so that's why my posts have been far and few between.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Fit Tuesday!
Start weight- 148.6 lbs
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 146
Well, its slowly going down- and its just becoming difficult- the summer time is so full of great foods and picnics that its hard to keep it under control, hopefully my consistancy with the gym is helping that.
Ive been running to train for the 5k in october- I also have not gotten a jogging stroller yet- I found the most perfect one- but when i went to go put a deposit on it - it was sold. I def boohooed about it for days- i probably still am- it was such a steal, and im jealous of whoever bought it.
Torrie's sinus issues or whatever they are are awful- im trying to keep her off of the meds as long as possible and her surgery is just one month away- UGH, its just getting so difficult that i really hope this is a miracle cure for all her problems.
her walking is getting better and she definately is growing a personality.
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 146
Well, its slowly going down- and its just becoming difficult- the summer time is so full of great foods and picnics that its hard to keep it under control, hopefully my consistancy with the gym is helping that.
Ive been running to train for the 5k in october- I also have not gotten a jogging stroller yet- I found the most perfect one- but when i went to go put a deposit on it - it was sold. I def boohooed about it for days- i probably still am- it was such a steal, and im jealous of whoever bought it.
Torrie's sinus issues or whatever they are are awful- im trying to keep her off of the meds as long as possible and her surgery is just one month away- UGH, its just getting so difficult that i really hope this is a miracle cure for all her problems.
her walking is getting better and she definately is growing a personality.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Fit Tuesday!
Start weight- 148.6 lbs
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 147 ish
It doesnt help that I'm not using the same scale every week- i really need to make sure that i buy a home scale and use that from now on, its just not high on my priority list. My diet is going terrible this week- I was in the ER one night this week and the next day underwent a little surgeryish procedure (extremly minor) and didnt go to the gym all week. my diet was up and down and just very inconsistant. Plus I havent felt well- and neither has torrie so great all around blahness. Yesterday was my first day back at the gym, i trained again for my 5k that we are hopefully doing in october.
Goals-
1. keep training
2. get jogging stroller
3.get scale
4. find out whats wrong with me
5. stay sane until torries surgery in september.
Goal weight-126 lbs
Today's weight- 147 ish
It doesnt help that I'm not using the same scale every week- i really need to make sure that i buy a home scale and use that from now on, its just not high on my priority list. My diet is going terrible this week- I was in the ER one night this week and the next day underwent a little surgeryish procedure (extremly minor) and didnt go to the gym all week. my diet was up and down and just very inconsistant. Plus I havent felt well- and neither has torrie so great all around blahness. Yesterday was my first day back at the gym, i trained again for my 5k that we are hopefully doing in october.
Goals-
1. keep training
2. get jogging stroller
3.get scale
4. find out whats wrong with me
5. stay sane until torries surgery in september.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Fit Tuesday's are back!!!
With a new start weight and goal!!
Start weight- 148.6 lbs
Goal weight-126 lbs
Started training for a 5k race and doing more at the gym. Downloaded a fitness pal and counting cals. Lets try this again!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Dear Torrie
Dear Torrie,
This week you really thru us for a loop. On top of everything you got the stomach bug and you were throwing up and pooping for days- pleasant i know. tuesday you stayed home with daddy and guess what- you started walking! and i told him he was a liar but when you got home you were walking! you walk a bit like Frankenstein as you wont bend your knees but you are getting there!!!
Wednesday you stayed home with mimi and you slept most of the day, and then thursday was your CF test, there was another little boy there- he looked very sickly and unfourtunately they didnt collect enough sweat on him to get an answer. but you my dear, sweat like a hog!! they said theyd have the answer friday morning and they did and it was negative! great news you do not have CF! Mommy was thrilled and so was everyone else, now we just have to get your adenoids out and move on from there.
so hopefully this week brings new ventures and happiness and we get to move your surgery up from september and that you get better at walking everyday!!
Love you, mommys computer is broken so I havent been able to post as much.
love,
mom
This week you really thru us for a loop. On top of everything you got the stomach bug and you were throwing up and pooping for days- pleasant i know. tuesday you stayed home with daddy and guess what- you started walking! and i told him he was a liar but when you got home you were walking! you walk a bit like Frankenstein as you wont bend your knees but you are getting there!!!
Wednesday you stayed home with mimi and you slept most of the day, and then thursday was your CF test, there was another little boy there- he looked very sickly and unfourtunately they didnt collect enough sweat on him to get an answer. but you my dear, sweat like a hog!! they said theyd have the answer friday morning and they did and it was negative! great news you do not have CF! Mommy was thrilled and so was everyone else, now we just have to get your adenoids out and move on from there.
so hopefully this week brings new ventures and happiness and we get to move your surgery up from september and that you get better at walking everyday!!
Love you, mommys computer is broken so I havent been able to post as much.
love,
mom
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Torrie took her first steps!!
I took a video ive got to see how to upload it!!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Dear Torrie
Dear Torrie,
It has been a particularly crazy week this week filled with alot of emotions that mommy may not be able to express. I promise to do my best to chart out this process with you, so one day you will know exactly what happened in your baby years.
This week you had two very special appts, one with the ENT (ears nose and throat) and one with the Pulmonologist (lung doctor), neither appt went fantastic but it is opening doors to alot of new things that will be happening in the next few months.
At the ENT, you were noted for having abnormal sized adenoids, increased mucus, and fluid in the ears. they do two simple procedures to fix that- A. remove your adenoids and B. put tubes in your ears. Mommy was satisfied by this and it seems like a simple fix. You will be having this done in September, unless the next tests show something different it might happen sooner.
At the Pulmonologist, things started out similar. She agreed that you need your adenoids out and I was happy about that, but then came the bad news, this is where mommy is struggling- my emotions are all over the map and I just dont know how to feel right now with no answers, just waiting, and questioning where everything could go wrong.
When you have increased mucus it could be caused by a deadly genetic disease called Cystic Fibrosis (CF) in order to have CF you have to have two recessive genes. Mommy carries one and it is unknown if daddy does. They now think you may be the one in the million to inherit this disease. Mommy will not go into detailed discription about the disease but basically it is a grim prognosis and that leaves mommy very hurt, this is something I cannot protect you from, this is something that will make you suffer.
Next week you will be going for the test to see if you have this disease- I am praying to god that you dont and so are many other people.
Turns out, if that comes out negative then we are hoping after your adenoids are out then you will stop being sick and you may just have asthma in the end, mommy is hoping this is the case. Right now there are so many unknowns that I just want to start off with this letter so when I write again it begins to make more sense.
I'm hurt tor, you already fought for your life, you already proved you wanted to be here, you already proved your mommys girl and that no matter what you made my life complete, and I love you. I wish i can take all the bad things away that have ever hurt/will hurt you. I just cant deal right now, I am hurt, I am very hurt.
I love you will all my heart. I am praying that you are a healthy girl,
Love,
Mom
It has been a particularly crazy week this week filled with alot of emotions that mommy may not be able to express. I promise to do my best to chart out this process with you, so one day you will know exactly what happened in your baby years.
This week you had two very special appts, one with the ENT (ears nose and throat) and one with the Pulmonologist (lung doctor), neither appt went fantastic but it is opening doors to alot of new things that will be happening in the next few months.
At the ENT, you were noted for having abnormal sized adenoids, increased mucus, and fluid in the ears. they do two simple procedures to fix that- A. remove your adenoids and B. put tubes in your ears. Mommy was satisfied by this and it seems like a simple fix. You will be having this done in September, unless the next tests show something different it might happen sooner.
At the Pulmonologist, things started out similar. She agreed that you need your adenoids out and I was happy about that, but then came the bad news, this is where mommy is struggling- my emotions are all over the map and I just dont know how to feel right now with no answers, just waiting, and questioning where everything could go wrong.
When you have increased mucus it could be caused by a deadly genetic disease called Cystic Fibrosis (CF) in order to have CF you have to have two recessive genes. Mommy carries one and it is unknown if daddy does. They now think you may be the one in the million to inherit this disease. Mommy will not go into detailed discription about the disease but basically it is a grim prognosis and that leaves mommy very hurt, this is something I cannot protect you from, this is something that will make you suffer.
Next week you will be going for the test to see if you have this disease- I am praying to god that you dont and so are many other people.
Turns out, if that comes out negative then we are hoping after your adenoids are out then you will stop being sick and you may just have asthma in the end, mommy is hoping this is the case. Right now there are so many unknowns that I just want to start off with this letter so when I write again it begins to make more sense.
I'm hurt tor, you already fought for your life, you already proved you wanted to be here, you already proved your mommys girl and that no matter what you made my life complete, and I love you. I wish i can take all the bad things away that have ever hurt/will hurt you. I just cant deal right now, I am hurt, I am very hurt.
I love you will all my heart. I am praying that you are a healthy girl,
Love,
Mom
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Dear Torrie
Dear Torrie,
Yesterday you turned 13 months old and today is one year from the day you came home last year! it's your come home day from the Yale NICU! We didnt celebrate your 13 month birthday yesterday but we did celebrate your come home day today. Everyone laughed when mommy said we were celebrating but I guess they will never understand how much emotion comes with this day.
One year ago when you were born I was told you might not breath on your own, walk on your own, function on your own, feed yourself, or what have you, basically if you functioned properly it would be a complete blessing, and that it is. I was also told you wouldnt come home until august! AUGUST thats two whole months from when you were born and it was closer to my due date. I also refused to go back to work until you came home and we were settled. and to my surprise you came home very early! after only 31 days in the NICU you were sent home :) I was so incredibly happy and scared and you were still only 4lbs 12 oz. When we got home I wasnt sure what to do with you, I kept moving you to your bassinet to my arms to your swing to your boppy I was so confused that day! but we slowly meshed together and now we are inseperable!
heres you one july 8th 2011
and heres you today july 8th 2012
boy you look so different and got so smart and big and guess what all those things they said you wouldnt do- you do all that and more!
im so proud of you and how far youve come, I love you so much!
Welcome home baby I will never let you go again!
heres your welcome home muffins we had instead of cupcakes!
Love you always,
Mom.
Yesterday you turned 13 months old and today is one year from the day you came home last year! it's your come home day from the Yale NICU! We didnt celebrate your 13 month birthday yesterday but we did celebrate your come home day today. Everyone laughed when mommy said we were celebrating but I guess they will never understand how much emotion comes with this day.
One year ago when you were born I was told you might not breath on your own, walk on your own, function on your own, feed yourself, or what have you, basically if you functioned properly it would be a complete blessing, and that it is. I was also told you wouldnt come home until august! AUGUST thats two whole months from when you were born and it was closer to my due date. I also refused to go back to work until you came home and we were settled. and to my surprise you came home very early! after only 31 days in the NICU you were sent home :) I was so incredibly happy and scared and you were still only 4lbs 12 oz. When we got home I wasnt sure what to do with you, I kept moving you to your bassinet to my arms to your swing to your boppy I was so confused that day! but we slowly meshed together and now we are inseperable!
heres you one july 8th 2011
im so proud of you and how far youve come, I love you so much!
Welcome home baby I will never let you go again!
heres your welcome home muffins we had instead of cupcakes!
Love you always,
Mom.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
To the Zoo and More!
Last night we went to the fireworks, last yr on the fourth torrie was still in the hossy so this year is her first time celebrating the fourth of july! she had a hard time staying up late but it was worth it!
And today! we finally made it to the zoo! we went early since the predicted weather was over 100 degrees today. we had fun, and although torrie wasnt really able to know exactly what was going on she did show signs of interest here and there.
those were some of a few animals we saw
and this is us at lunch
and here we are acting silly
and this is us at lunch
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