Somewhere there is a Rainbow

I've had an interesting life. it has gotten even more interesting as I've gotten older and most days i wish there was some time table that would let me go back and change things, even things that were beyond my control.
i always knew things about my life were not completely the norm until recently, more than one event has opened my eyes.

the problem is I love with my whole heart, I could never love someone with half of it, i could never love someone and remain friends, to me its a broken bridge that will just hurt.
Ive been hurt, Ive been the one to hurt, but I'm opinionated, I'm daring and outspoken, I'm embarrassing, I'm judgemental, I'm over protective, I'm kind, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm rude. but the one thing i can never do is let someone fail. especially if i know they are capable of so much more.

I let someone down, Ive let alot of people down in my life. but i just cant let this person down, I want to help, I don't know how to help, but I know i can be alot to handle, i know I'm overwhelming when i push for something. maybe i pushed too far, maybe I'm not the right one for the job, maybe I'm just not the ONE.

I struggle with this. i struggle with what the right thing to do is. I don't know how to control something i feel strongly about, I don't know how one person can hurt another person, and I don't know how someone cant love with their whole heart just like me.

I feel like if i pass this trait to Torrie I will fail her, I feel like i will set her up for disappointment and heartache, i feel like i have already failed her.
I am trying to be the glue to her life, to her relationships with her father. It's rocky between us, and i feel like I'm the only constant person in her life. i want him to be there more, i want him to join us, i want him to beg me to come over and bring her even when i say no. I want a family for Torrie. i don't want it to just be the two of us, i want her to have two healthy happy constants in her life.

but right now I've failed her, i am slowly failing to be the glue in her relationship with him. the tackiness is getting thin under the seams. shes so close to talking and walking and expressing her thoughts that it kills me that she just might ask questions that I do not have the answer for.

I do not know the future, but I do know, that I will be her glue as long as possible and i will also be her advocate, and I will not let her have the same life i had. I absolutely will not.